Advent is here.
Traditionally this is a season of waiting and preparation. Waiting with Mary as the infant grows in her womb. Preparing for the wonderful birth of the Christ child.
Yet sometimes all our many preparations preclude any real waiting.
There is so much to do. My family’s schedule is full of Christmas gatherings. Meals must be planned and made, babysitters contacted or the children prepared for travel. Gifts are being imagined, and sales are pursued (quite vigorously at times). Even planning for the way we intend to live Advent with the kids becomes an item on the to-do list. Waiting can seem wasteful when there are so many preparations to be made.
It is easy to be so caught in the future, getting ready, that we miss the present.
“Don’t dissociate from your real life.” As I was at mass recently, the words of a therapist echoed in my head. I realized that all my planning and preparing, well intentioned though they may be, were separating me from living my life in the present. I could not connect with Mary and her waiting, because I was not even attending to my own experiences in the moment.
Sometimes we would rather skip the waiting. Cut to the chase. Get to the good stuff. Unwrap the presents already.
But the cost of that is that we miss out on most of life. We stop living our lives moment by moment, and substitute doing for being. Our lives start running us.
I miss soaking in my daughter’s smile when I arrive home, too concerned with getting the family organized for Christmas card photos. When the latest breakdown over sharing toys starts up, I avoid acknowledging my frustration by using my phone to look up gifts online.
The antidote is a concept that psychologists often refer to as mindfulness. This means being fully present in this moment, noticing life as it IS. Mindfulness means being aware of what you are feeling, and willing to have your experience right now.
Being mindful sometimes means that we experience unpleasant things: Loss, disappointment, longing. Pain is part of life. Hiding from or avoiding awareness of unpleasant experiences means that we are missing life.
I like to think that Mary was a model of mindfulness. She waited for nine months in awareness of the One growing inside her. I like to think that she was accepting of even the discomfort of being pregnant. After nine months of this willingness to wait, to experience it all, she was ready to welcome God into the world.
Sometimes we don’t want to accept pain, and we attempt to avoid it. However, you cannot avoid the trade-off: you might miss the pains that come with pregnancy, but you would also miss the growing wonder. The sometimes distressing realities of pregnancy help to prepare us for the joy of the birth. Without waiting, we are not ready for joy.
Ironically, all our preparation often gets in the way of real waiting. Waiting happens in the present. Its not thinking about the past, nor is it getting sucked into imagining how the future will be. Waiting is being fully in the present, knowing the future is yet to come.
So here are some tips for a more mindful advent, one in which we can connect with our “real life” and truly wait for God with all of our being.
- Tie mindfulness to an everyday activity. Maybe you can take a moment during a morning shower to pay attention to how the water feels on your skin. You can pay extra attention to the smells of soap and shampoo. You can notice how your mind is drawn away with distractions or plans, and when you recognize it, redirect your attention to your immediate experience. This experience is a gift from God, and can be savored.
- Speaking of savoring, eat mindfully! At your next Christmas party (or meal), pay attention to your first bite of any food or snack. Eat it slowly, noticing the texture, any smell associated with it, the physical sensations of consuming it. Really savor and experience that individual morsel. If you want, you can thank God for the deliciousness!
- Make moments to be mindful. Set aside five or maybe ten minutes, and be physically still. Just attend to all the thoughts that pass through your mind. You don’t have to act on them, just notice what your mind brings up. You might also notice how these thoughts are always running through your mind, even when you haven’t taken the time to be aware of them. As each thought comes, you can turn it over to God, as is, and notice the next thought.
- Be curious about your emotions. Next time you have a reaction, or notice a strong feeling, move closer to it rather than flying by it. Notice where in your body you feel it most. Are your shoulders tense? Is your breath tight? Does your belly and face hurt from laughing? Maybe make a space for the feeling to exist and just allow it to be. Notice as it naturally fades on its own.
- Be mindful of your relationship with God. Find a word or phrase which reminds you of God’s presence with you right now. Recite this phrase during the day to help you remember and become aware of God’s presence with you right then.
As we become more mindful, we regain connectedness to our moment-to-moment experience. As we learn to wait for what is to come, we become aware of the gifts God has placed in every moment for us. As our awe and wonder grows, we are truly prepared for the coming of the Gift himself.
