By our nature as humans, we need others. Giving and receiving help is as human as breathing. God looked at Adam and said (essentially): “You’re gonna need some help.” So He provided Adam with a helpmate. Across our lifespan, we turn to others for help: to our parents for nurturing, our teachers for education, our doctors for all our physical ills. We turn to spouses and best friends to soothe us during the bruises of life, and we turn to our church community to revive our weary, broken, wayward souls. We do not think twice about seeking help from these people, but there is one person from whom many people still hesitate to seek help: a therapist (a.k.a psychologist, psychotherapist, or counselor).
Seeking Help in Psychotherapy
Somehow, via the vagaries of history, seeking help for “mental issues” became mired in stigma. If we call something a spiritual problem, seeing a priest or spiritual director is definitely on the good list. If we call something a physical illness, then of course we seek help from a doctor. We usually don’t encounter much blame for having spiritual or physical needs. But need for help with “mental” problems is often questioned.
This is a trap. Matters of the mind include how we perceive our lives, what we value, how we behave, how we interact with others. Concerns addressed in therapy relate to some of the most important and valued aspects of our lives. At the same time, these mental aspects of life are the ones we are told we should have the most control over. When we need help with behavior, the way we perceive events or the way we interact with others, it has often been labeled as a sign of weakness. Everyone has heard comments about someone being “crazy,” “insane,” “psycho” or needing a “shrink.” These are all ways of driving home the point that if you need help, you are a substandard human.
This is inconsistent with what we know about ourselves as humans. Our religious history reminds us that being human means screwing up, getting lost and finding the path again. Being human means accepting help from others, and growing because of it. When we forget this, we start to feel the pressure of being self sufficient, the drive to control life and avoid hurt, the fear of failing and needing. We sever authentic connections that remind us of our incompleteness. We often end up independent and accomplished, but miserable.
When we remember that we were created in dependence on God, and in need of human community, it transforms our view of seeking help. Admitting need makes us human. Seeking help from another offers them an opportunity for fulfillment, and brings us both together. Seeing ourselves as God does often means accepting our brokenness, and then realizing the beauty that shines through our cracks. In this context, seeking help is a mark of honor, a sign of acceptance of reality, and of a willingness to engage life in all its gritty humanity.
Catholics and Therapy
For some Catholics and other people of faith, there can be an added concern: If I seek help from a therapist, will they understand and respect my faith? Will they be able to work with me in a way that strengthens my faith, or will they ask me to do things that do not mesh with my faith, or worse, directly challenge or undermine it?
First, I want to say that this is a valid question, and an important consideration to address with a therapist. At the same time, there are many reasons to be optimistic. Faithful Catholics have been active in psychology and psychotherapy since its inception, and indeed professional organizations for Catholics in psychology have existed nearly as long as professional psychology itself. Though there has been a history of antipathy between some psychologists and religious communities, the climate has warmed considerably. The Ethics Codes of the various counseling professions all require therapists to respect the values of their clients, and avoid imposing the values of the therapist on the client. For example, religion is specifically named as an aspect of individual diversity that must be respected in the Ethics Code of the American Psychological Association (APA). Again, the equivalent document for professional counselors states: “Counselors are aware of—and avoid imposing—their own values, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. Counselors respect the diversity of clients, trainees, and research participants and seek training in areas in which they are at risk of imposing their values onto clients.” In addition, the APA has published more than a dozen books on religion and spirituality in therapy, many of which you can find on our site under Recommended Books. Though many counselors might have different beliefs than you, all of them are expected to be able to respect your beliefs.
At the same time, you might be looking for more than just someone who will respect your religious beliefs. You may want someone who will actively affirm them and incorporate them in your therapy. This then is a consideration you will keep in mind as you choose a therapist. Religion and spiritual practices are topics that you can directly discuss with your therapist or even ask about in your first phone call. The less your therapist has to guess about your religious and spiritual values, the easier it will be for them to incorporate them in a way that fits for you. Make sure your concerns are addressed, and if you aren’t satisfied, do not hesitate to look for another therapist. Religion and spirituality are dimensions where spending a little time to identify your requirements for a therapist can help in making a good match.
Deciding to seek the help of a therapist is often difficult. It requires rejecting common cultural assertions about weakness, and admitting a need for help. For Catholics, there might be concerns about how therapy will affect their faith. But even once concerns about needing therapy or having faith respected in therapy are addressed, there are often questions about how to actually find and choose the therapist who is best for you. These are the questions that will be the subject of my post next week. To make sure you are tuned in for that post, or if would just like to get our posts via email, click here to subscribe.
Great topic…please continue to address this topic and the idea of sharing our struggles, worries, etc. with our family and friends. I have known suicide victims who appeared to be happy, “worriless” persons and who were, in fact, drowning in a sea of despair. This seems to be a topic worthy of much more publicity, whether through op-eds or social media or “old- fashioned” books. This is a very serious problem. BB
I have experienced everything said in the column to be true. Seeking, or even the willingness to seek help can be as treacherous as the illness itself. Societal norms compound the problem further. I was fortunate, for it took 3 suicide attempts and then hospitalization before I was “introduced” to the world of psychology. I was not a person of faith at that time, that came much later, but I was very ill mentally and did not know it, all my life , it turns out. Therapy is a long and difficult path, with unbelievable pain and suffering along the way. In fact, if I had told that I was going to experience the pain and suffering I was to under go, I would have stayed sick instead. Since my conversion, I had the need to seek profession help once and found, through intuition(God)a great therapist who encouraged my faith and we incorporated that into my work with her. Others have no been as fortunate as I and have horrific experiences with psychology, my heart goes out all who have. There is a great deal of misunderstanding regarding mental illness that it takes an immense amount of courage to seek, but as Jesus so eloquently puts it, seek and you will find. I pray all who need help find.