On the Coming Messiah and Marshmallows

There is a threefold dimension to the Advent season–past, present and future. Sometimes we forget that Advent is not simply a memory exercise of the Church contemplating the Christ event some 2000 years ago. Advent is also a time in which we prepare our hearts in expectation for Christ’s second coming. But, as then Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger noted, there is also a current reality to Advent, a realization in the midst of our own sin and darkness (and that of the whole world) of the extent to which we still are unredeemed and desperately in need of taking into our lives daily Jesus’s grace and love.

It’s hard to wait well. Waiting for this daily deepening of Christ’s redemption and for His second coming can so often become a hindrance rather than an aid to our spiritual growth.  Sometimes thinking about how wonderful a future gift will be makes the current reality all the more bleak. We hesitate to contemplate the glory and love of Christ that we shall experience when He comes again because it makes us painfully aware of how sorrowful and disastrous this world is. Yes, we know that Christ is with us and that He will come again, but what we seem to know more intimately is how sad, selfish, lonely, empty, and sinful we are.  In this waiting we often try either to distract ourselves from the good for which we wait or we succumb to the temptation of trying to gratify and fill ourselves with lesser goods.

A wonderful illustration of the these two tendencies of waiting is the Stanford marshmallow experiment. In this experiment children had a marshmallow placed in front of them with the promise that if they could wait an indeterminate amount of time they would receive a second marshmallow. The results were both funny and insightful. About one-third of the children were able to wait long enough to receive a second marshmallow. Interestingly, many of these children went on to exhibit greater degrees of impulse control and fewer problems with addiction.

What’s interesting for our purposes, however, is how the children waited. Some of the kids try to distract themselves from the tension caused by the thought of two marshmallows, but the disappointing reality of only having one in front of them by tapping their fingers, looking around the room, or fighting with their sibling. Others ate the marshmallow, substituting a lesser good for a greater good. Some children caressed the marshmallow like Gollum holding the ring of power, others daintily held it in their mouth (my favorite is the boy at 2:53), and some sniffed it inquisitively.

How do we wait daily on Christ and for His second coming? As the desire for perfect happiness written on our hearts clashes with our experiences of suffering, infidelity, violence, mental disorders, loneliness, and insecurity do we distract ourselves from the discomfort that arises? Perhaps we put off prayer for fear that it will heighten our discontent and try to numb ourselves with Netflix binges, hours of Facebooking, or other seemingly important, but ultimately frivolous projects. Or, maybe we confuse or misuse lower goods in place of waiting on Christ, our Highest Good. Perhaps, we fall to the temptations of food, sex, shopping, or status to fill the longing and quiet the discontent.

Now, admittedly in the study above age played a role in how long children were able to wait or delay their gratification. This, however, remains true for us as well; as we grow and mature spiritually we will become better at waiting and we will fall less to the temptations of lower goods. Another interesting follow-up study found that children were more likely to eat the single marshmallow if they had experienced a broken promise prior to the test. These children questioned whether they could trust the promise of a second marshmallow from the experimenter, so they took what was in front of them. Maybe we settle for eating marshmallows (or even scraps from the garbage) because we do not believe in the promise of the Heavenly banquet.

Let’s use this Advent to learn to wait well. Let us allow our waiting to be deliberate and prayerful even as the echoes of longing in our heart for what’s to come seem dampened by the darkness and brokenness of our own lives. Let’s practice waiting for Christ without distraction, numbing, or instant gratification, so that we might be well prepared for his quiet daily graces and His glorious return to come.

Tips for Waiting Well:

• Take 10 minutes daily for prayer in which you dare to speak to God with honesty from the darkness and struggles of your own trials (like Job).
• Make a list of those activities that you use to numb or distract yourself. Deliberately choose a behavior from that list each day to give up. Instead, fully participate in some other life-giving activity in which you genuinely delight.
•  To avoid temptations gently move your attention to a worthwhile activity through a positive statement.  It’s easier to wait well when we say, “”I WILL go for a walk right now” as opposed to “DON’T watch Netflix.”
• Remind yourself about that for which you are waiting.  This can help give us a small share in the present moment of the good we desire. It can be hard to look at a picture of your beloved when they are not with you, but as painful as this can be, it stokes your love and enables you to wait patiently for their return.The liturgical life of the Church is build on this principle. Be aware of the  liturgical colors, songs, smells, readings, and feast days to help yourself stay attentive for the coming Messiah.

We’d love to hear from you. Share with us your triumphs or struggles, tips or warnings about waiting.