Rejoice, Rejoice: Being Grateful This Christmas Season

“Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.”

Theology of gratitude. Yesterday, on the last day of the “O Antiphons,” the beautiful and ancient recitations made the week before Christmas during Evening Prayer, we implored the Lord, “O Emmanuel, king and lawgiver, desire of the nations, Savior of all people: Come and set us free, Lord our God.” Well, our prayer has been heard. The Christ has come. The chorus of the popular Advent hymn enjoins us to rejoice because Emmanuel, the Savior of all people, has come and set us free. Our joy and exultation arises from this pure gratia (grace)—this undeserved gift. Derived from this notion of gratia is the word gratitude. We rejoice because we are grateful for the gift of Emmanuel, God with us—born to save us. Gratitude is the recognition of grace; it is the acknowledgment of those free and undeserving gifts that we have not earned or merited, but enjoy in our lives. Without this recognition we cannot be grateful this Christmas season, and without gratitude we cannot rejoice. 

I can’t stand when folks tell me to just “be grateful” as if I am willfully trying to be a wretched ingrate.  Of course I’d want to be grateful. I just need someone to show me how! Recommending that someone be grateful makes gratitude seem as if it is a single act of the will where by sheer choice someone just changes their emotional state. That is not gratitude. While gratitude can often be sudden, unexpected, and unintentional, it can also be a natural reaction or response arising from intentional choices to cultivate particular habits and ways of thinking.

Psychology of gratitude.  From a purely psychological perspective gratitude is often conceptualized as a positive emotion that is interpersonal by nature. Gratitude directs an individual’s focus to “the other” because the individual recognizes that someone else is responsible for their gains—they have been the beneficiaries of unearned and unmerited goods. Gratitude has been linked to greater contentment, happiness, pride (the good kind), hope, and overall well-being. A Gallop poll showed that 90 % individuals who reported expressing gratitude reported feeling either “extremely” or “somewhat” happy. One study found that simply writing down each day those things for which a person was grateful increased positive emotions, decreased negative emotions, increased feelings of connectedness to others, and life satisfaction. Those who wrote down what they were grateful for each day were also more likely to help someone with a personal problem or provide emotional support for someone else. Gratitude increases our motivation to help others!

Research suggests that human beings tend to be pretty bad at delaying immediate gratification for long-term gains. Most of us are intimately familiar with this problem. We find ourselves in debt because we desire the newest tech gadget, game, or Pinterest craze. We may also find ourselves at an unhealthy weight or struggling with various addictions because the initial temptation of immediate gratification trumped any long-term goals or gains.  This tension between the possibility of immediate gratification in the face of long-term goods contributes greatly to feelings of impatience. In turn impatience often leads us to make choices and acting out in ways that we often eventually regret. Research has shown, however, that gratitude actually increases patience and prevents decisions that are geared toward immediate gratification. If we cultivate gratitude we are less likely to make impulsive decisions for immediate pleasures that might ultimately have long-term negative consequences with which we would be unhappy.

Practical Wisdom from AA. While I do not speak with authority on all things Alcoholics Anonymous, I have, over the years, become an admirer of the practical wisdom found in AA’s literature. Members of AA are encouraged to have an “attitude of gratitude” because “a grateful heart won’t drink.” It seems that individuals in AA cultivate gratitude in two ways: trying to diminish those parts of themselves that block them from God and by serving those in need. First, AA invites individuals to acknowledge (in writing) their behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes that are rooted in fear, selfishness, self-centeredness, and dishonesty. This helps an individual identify those parts of themselves that prevent them from seeing God’s gifts and graces in their life. Sometimes when we are caught up in our own expectations about the how things should go, financial fears, or self-serving behavior we block or diminish our own spiritual vision. Selfishness, perceptions of victimhood, resentment, entitlement, and an inability to admit shortcomings are obstacles to gratitude. These shortcomings cause us to stand in our own way and prevent us from seeing the good things that God has done and is doing for us. Acknowledging all of these ways that we block our own vision of God’s action in our lives and asking Him to help us remove these thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes can be a great step in cultivating gratitude. Second, individuals in AA are invited to engage in helping and serving those in need. While this usually means working with other struggling alcoholics, service work can come in many forms. Helping someone who may be struggling physically, emotionally, financially, or in any number of other ways can reveal to us the areas in our life for which we have cause to be grateful.  Seeing the struggles and suffering of others can open our eyes to those gifts and grace in our own life that we may be overlooking.

A Word of Warning. Since gratitude necessarily involves the actions of another, some folks may feel a certain indebtedness or required reciprocity as they try to cultivate gratitude. “You’ve done something for me, now I owe you.” It may not be bad to feel indebted to a merciful and loving God, but it is certainly not pleasant to feel indebted or obligated to a tyrant or someone consumed by selfishness. Be mindful of negative feelings or mounting resentments toward the individual/being to whom you are grateful.

The fast pace, stress, and family conflicts, that often accompany the Christmas season can serve to increase our irritability, impatience, and anxiety. We may be more prone to act out, say things, or struggle with negative emotions. Actively and intentionally cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help open us up to the gifts in our lives: friends, food, clothing, laughter, the smile of a child, reconciled relatives—the list is a vast and unique as each individual. With grateful hearts we will feel greater satisfaction with life, feel less negative emotionality, feel more connected to others, and see the greatest grace and gift that we receive this Christmas—the Christ child. By cultivating gratitude we can truly rejoice at the mysterious and extravagant love of a God who took our flesh to save us.

Tips for Cultivating Gratitude

• Write a daily gratitude list. Keep a gratitude journal for 3 weeks. Spent just 5 minutes each day writing a list of things for which you are grateful. Don’t worry if the list is short. Spend time writing about why you are grateful for each particular item on the list. Also, try to find someone with whom you can share at least some of the items on your gratitude list each day.
• Get to confession. Make a detailed list of all of those ways in which you have been selfish, fearful (including fearful of not getting what you want or think you need), dishonest, and self-seeking. These may be blocking you from seeing God’s gift by preoccupying you with yourself. Take these to confession and ask Christ for the grace to remove these blocks to gratitude.
• Service work. Find someone who is struggling or needs help and go out of your way, even inconvenience yourself, to help them. This can be a neighbor, friend, relative, family member or stranger. Just find someone to help.
• Get back to basics. I’ve heard many folks say that there was a time when they were genuinely and sincerely grateful simply for one day of sobriety or clean time. Now, 10 years sober they feel unhappy and burdened because they only have 1 car, don’t make enough money at work, and can’t afford a nicer home. Sometimes we need to get back to finding gratitude in the very simple, basic things. You can also do this by appreciating the beauty around you. Notice the color of the sky, the sound of the birds, and the leaves on the trees.

What are you grateful for this Christmas? Share with us in the comments section.