Raising Little Angels: Night Prayer with Kids

Raising Little Angels is  a monthly post about the struggles, joys, confusions, and questions that come with parenting.  The tongue-in-cheek title refers to the fact that parenting often feels like anything but an angelic endeavor. After all, we don’t want little angels;  we want little saints!

This is a guest post by Becky Needham, a friend of PsychedCatholic, and a personal friend. Becky  is a wife and stay-at-home mom writing from Catonsville, MD.  She and her husband Trevor have been married eight years and have three children, John Paul, Clare and Joshua.  In between homeschooling and working in college campus ministry, she loves music, DIY home projects and enjoying the outdoors with her family.

My husband Trevor and I have been at this parenting thing for six years now.  And even with all our know-how, a degree in Theology and Religious Education, teaching religion in our home school co-op, and three kids later, you’d THINK our own family prayer time would be a walk in the park by now.  I can lead everyone ELSE’s kids in prayer just fine.  Religion class, vacation Bible school, youth retreats – you name it, I’ve done it.  But leading our kids in prayer has always been a bit more challenging, if not altogether unholy.  Our six year old, the rule-follower, is fine.  Angelic, really.  Heck, he’s the one actually leading prayers half the time while Trev and I are distracted trying to get the other two kids to just sit down for five seconds. John Paul will be perfectly singing the Salve Regina while Joshua and Clare are launching themselves off the coffee table into the couch or the dog – or better yet, into one of us.  Knees first.  Unfortunately, the family activity that’s supposed to gather us together, calm our hearts and lead us all to bed in peace, instead leaves Trev and I shaking our heads and wondering if anything we’re doing is really worth it in the end.  We sure don’t feel any holier ending the day yelling at everyone to just “Sit still and pray, jeepers!”

 That all changed the other night when I came back to the couch after putting the kids in bed.  I sat down and crossed my arms and just stared at the coffee table in defeat, trying to figure out what we were doing wrong and when this tough phase was going to end.  Maybe it is just a phase like everybody says?  Mass time isn’t much better, but that’s another post altogether.  Maybe the six year old is unusually holy and bound for the priesthood, while who knows what will come of the other two?  “Well, one out of three is still pretty good,” I tell myself to feel better.  Then something clicked… “Maybe what we’re doing works for one out of three, but maybe the other two need to pray in a totally different way.”  Of course they do; they’re four and two, not six like their older brother.  Of course they do; they each learn in their own way.  They have their own personalities, their own needs, their own learning styles.  Of course, they should have their own way to pray too.

 So, how to teach a toddler and pre-schooler to pray?  One obvious thing we had failed at was giving them a focal point – a visual that would captivate their attention and make sense of all the spiritual things we rambled on about for ten minutes every night.  Father, Son, Holy Spirit.  Jesus, Mary, Joseph.  Our patron saints.  Saint Michael.  How could I expect them to care about them if they couldn’t even put  faces to the names in their heads?  So we needed pictures.

 And how to get them to stay in one room with us?  For several weeks up to that point I had figured out that if I turned out every other light in the house except for the living room, then in the living room they would remain.  Maybe they were moved by their fear of the dark but hey, it kept us all together in one place.

And how to keep them from jumping off said coffee table and sitting still together?  We put the focal point on the coffee table…with fire!  A candle for each picture, and a crucifix in the middle of it all.  “If they continue to climb on and jump off of the table with a crucifix and fire on top, then we are really in trouble,” I thought for a moment.  And to keep them focused there, the candles and pictures and cross had to be the ONLY thing they could see.  Complete darkness all around us, throughout the entire house, except for our little sacred space.  No other lights to distract them, no other place for them to run.  It was the most incredible feeling—after they’d helped me prepare our sacred space, turn out the lights, and light our candles—to see their faces light up with wonder, feel them retreat back into our laps, and wrap our arms around them.

A picture of the coffee table set up.

And they PRAYED.  They stared at those pictures, at the crucifix, and with the fire dancing behind it all, without any coaxing or correction from Trev or I, their sweet little prayers came forth—for the first time all five of us praying nighttime prayer together as a family.  The two year old prayed the Our Father, the Hail Mary, the Glory Be.   The four year old’s eyes moved from picture to picture as we asked each of our patron saints to pray for us.  The six year old led us as he always does in the Salve Regina.  Trev and I looked at each other in amazement that it was actually working!  We finally figured it out!  This was our family prayer!

 When all was said and done, instead of blowing out the candles, we left them lit as a reminder that the saints and angels were watching over us and praying for us as we slept.  Of course Trev and I blew them out and put everything away after the kids were asleep.  But before that I came back to the couch, crossed my arms, and stared at the coffee table again and this time I felt real good about what just happened there.  “Thanks God,” I whispered, “That was pretty great.”  I couldn’t wait to do it again the next day.

 So that’s our story.  Maybe this prayer will work for some of you, or maybe your kids are different than ours and you still have yet to figure out their learning styles and prayer styles and everything in between.  I’m sure we’ll have to switch things up in the future but for now, we’ve finally found something that works for our three monkeys.  I think the key thing every parent needs to remember is that the Lord knows and loves our families way better than we do, and He’ll inspire us when we ask him to. As parents there is nothing more worth our time, energy, brainpower, and resources than figuring out how to put our kids in touch with Jesus. I pray that this little story inspires you to keep fighting the good fight from whatever couch or bed or rug you pray every night.

 Now about Sunday Mass, Lord…

A special thanks to Becky for a great post. I love how she and Trev looked for developmentally appropriate ways of helping their children meet Jesus. Young children do not have the cognitive ability to process and engage abstract concepts. Becky and Trevor’s idea to find TOUCHABLE, SENSORY ways to engage their children was inspired. I also really appreciate Becky’s recognition that one of the most important things that a parent can do is be attentive to their individual child. Each child has a God-given, unique temperament and burgeoning personality. If the specific ideas above don’t help your family, don’t fret. Keeping trying to be aware of the unique needs of your individual children and pray for the inspiration to meet these needs in meaningful ways. 

If you want some more ideas about praying with your family check out 77 Ways to Pray with Your Kids (A Peanut Butter & Grace Guide for Catholic Families) (Volume 1) by Jerry Windley-Daoust.  This is a great little resource to give you a spark as you try to find ways of praying that work for your family.